My Father's Daughter

Rain falls. Storms set in. Winds rage. Shadows are cast. Darkness comes, sometimes it lasts for years. This world just seems to be breaking at the seams. The earth shakes, the ocean turns violent, the winds are vengeful. The storms and their aftermath seem... unfathomable. Yet there they are on the screen, reported on the news, just a click away. This past week it was a whole lot closer than tsunamis and earthquakes. It's a friend of friend or cousins or an uncle, a grandparent or children grown and on their own; It's their damaged homes and neighborhoods, towns torn apart and lives broken. It's just so hard to reconcile all this pain. And even harder because there has been just so much of it lately. This world is broken, failing, coming slowly undone. Sin does that. It destroys. Some times subtle and slow, sometimes so forthright and quick that we almost never saw it coming. I read a blog post by Ann (author of One Thousand Gifts). She shares what her young daughter say...

The title is taken from a Casting Crowns song, Glorious Day ...."Living, He loved me. Dying, He saved me. Buried, He carried my sins far away. Rising He justified, freely forever. One day He's coming. Oh Glorious Day". This is what my kids and I hummed and sang to ourselves and eachother all day today. Today. Good Friday. I often struggle with finding ways to make this time as set aside and as special as Christmas. It just never seems to be. I tried this year. We counted our gifts and talked and talked about what He did on that cross, the separation from His Father, bearing that so we never have to. God loving us enough to become us, to be with us. Immanuel. Maybe my timing was the first place I went wrong. Good Friday isn't really significant. There is no historical way Jesus (Yeshua) died on a Friday. Catholic tradition says so, but that certainly doesn't make it true. Even my 8 year old was quick to point at that Friday afternoon to before dawn Sunday morning ...

195. families healed 196. seven year olds with weights lifted 197. a place to leave my kids~trustworthy friends 198. time off to play together 199. grandparents sharing museum trips at the spur of the moment 200. the unique beauty in His creation... 201. ...even when it's spiders! 202. the nudge in my heart to stay calm and gracious as my 6 year old melts from hunger 203. walks with sons, holding hands 204. listening to stories pointing to His name, in the car as we travel 205. being in bed between 2 boys as they beg for one more page 206. remembering that 6 is still so young 207. for my new sister in law and hearing my brother call her his wife! 208. warm tea on cold rainy days 209. waffles made by my 8 year old 210. boys begging (again) for more chapters 211. kitchen full of groceries and the helping hands (big and little) that got them there 212. older brothers reading to the youngest 213. holding this youngest's hand as he settles in the dark 214. sitting in an almost sile...

250. Your presence in this storm 251. hash browns and ketchup and a girlfriend's shoulder 254. seeing anger turn sad 257. a husband who loves me 263. His promise to use all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28) 266. seeing my brother and his family: whole 274. FORGIVENESS

I'm struggling to write right now. My gifts I'm keeping on paper when I can manage to focus long enough to move my pen. My crisis pales in comparison to what other's in this world face but I'm heartbroken and afraid of what the future holds. My plan is to just be around the Truth. My hope is that it just seeps in. I'm doubting my doubts. I'm doing the next right thing. I'm so grateful that it isn't me holding on to Him but Him holding on to me. I heard this song for the first time as I was in the car praying for strength. He answers. If we turn down all the noise, we can hear His answer. Dancing in the Minefields By Andrew Peterson I was nineteen, you were twenty-one The year we got engaged Everyone said we were much too young But we did it anyway We bought our rings for forty each From a pawn shop down the road We made our vows and took the leap Now fifteen years ago We went dancing in the minefields We went sailing in the storm And it was harder than w...

161. pointing to you ~ even in difficult public conversations, hard questions that drive me to Your word 162. humbling experiences and gracious responses 163. full table, many conversations, one family 164. cousins being silly together 165. forgiving hugs of a 6 year old 166. reminding me to also forgive me 167. a network of mamas for support and conversation 168. church feeding us dinner! 169. beautiful sunny days welcoming home robins and picnic lunches 170. math problems and spelling words done in sidewalk chalk 171. bike rides with my 2 favorite boys 172. warm (almost) spring days that turn into warm summer nights 173. glittery cards full of happy wishes of forever together 174. Irish scones and laughing ~ building friendships 175. staying out too late 176. sunny mornings with spring just 2 days away 177. making too many pancakes and waffles (because the distracted mama measured wrong) 178. pancakes and waffles for breakfast AND lunch 179. bold markers on paper as boys take time co...

I keep trying to write and nothing comes. I'm trying to count gifts and I keep getting stuck. I'm realizing I can't write until I write about this. Last Friday, 7000 miles away, thousands of lives were lost and millions of lives will never be the same. All in moments. The world shook. A little over a week ago a country made up of almost 4000 islands was shaken to it's core. The shaking brought upset and ruin not because it caused buildings to crumble (they were all so well prepared for that) but it was the after effects of the trembling. The earth heaved and groaned and hurled water 30 feet high. They prepared for the trembling but who can prepare for what that trembling brought? Water, it's an amazing force. It's life giving and life taking. We all start our lives in a fluid that is 98% water. Those little specific ratios of atoms of hydrogen and oxygen make up 70% of our earth and 60% of the human body. And last week it rose up into 30 feet walls and took home...