My Father's Daughter

I have had it mostly together for the last 12 years or so. I met my husband while I was in high school (he was not as he's 9 years older than I am). I got my act together, by God's grace, graduated high school, went directly to nursing school, graduated, had the same pediatric nursing job for 10 years, homeschool my 2 boys, love my family and put God first in all we do......then I turned 30. My husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I'm not sure what has happened to my mind in the last several months. I am trying to be ok with the fact I will never have another child. I am trying to fill the empty spaces. I am trying to depend on God. I am trying to pray and talk to my husband. I want to scream. I want to run. I want to feel. What is going on? Who am I? I don't recognize myself.

"And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness and devotion to God," Titus 2:12 NLT Godless living and sinful pleasures---how is it that this describes so much of my life lately? I don't know how to turn around. I need God to change these desires in my heart. I'm not sure what else to even say except that I need to pray and I need others to pray for me.