My Father's Daughter

As I drove to work tonight and I went by the different decorated houses I remembered why I love this time of year. I had forgotten in all the busyness. For the last two weeks I coordinated a polyana between the cousins, franticly finished shopping (for about 25 people), sent out Chritsmas cards (after getting a portrait done of the kids), bought birthday presents for my Christmas eve birthday boy, encouraged (or forced) birthday boy to write out birthday party thank you cards, wrapped countless presents, made a chocolate birthday cake and fudge icing from scratch, sang happy birthday after lunch on Christmas eve, made pecan chocolate chip brownies from scratch (2 batches), bagged up ornaments and cards for the nieghbors, cleaned, traveled 45 minutes to sister-in -law's for a party at 7pm with tired children...made Christmas brunch--twice (the kids couldn't wait until company arrived at 11:30), made a pineapple souffle for Christmas dinner at my sister's . This in addition t

It is amazing, this mothering force that we women seem to be born with. Then, just moments after we conceive or welcome a child into our homes this force goes into overdrive. The love we have for our kids is unexplainable, unstoppable . It's a love that is overwhelming. Someone once said to be a mother is to forever have your heart walking around outside your body. We love and nurture our children so they will grow in body and spirit; we encourage them to stay close so they'll be safe as we encourage independence ; we love them unconditionally; we watch our little ones make mistakes and pray they learn from them; we teach and train and guide and love. I am made in my Creator's image. I am so humbled when I remember one of the reasons that God has given me this gift of motherhood is as an insight into His heart. My love for my children is just a tiny fraction of the love that my Father has for me. He watches me stumble as I refuse his guidance. He loves me. He swells with

It saddens me when I realize, several hours after the fact, that one of my kids said or did something precious but I was too distracted to notice. My 3 year old went into my wallet at the park and took out 3 pennies and said "I need these". I just said OK and continued my internal conversation with myself about the trillion things that need to get done. I just now realized that he took the money to go "buy" some kind of "thing" at the "store". In a few minutes he brought back the pennies and for about 5 minutes he worked on opening the zipper to my wallet with his one hand full. Never once did he ask for help and he refused my help when I offered. I get to be there for all these wonderful interactions with my kids but how often am I not really there? I read my last few blogs and in one I stated my goals for that week were to put God first, and to be in the moment...every moment. Well, they continue to be my goals. We leave for Maine in the mo

One of my last entries talked about 'doubting my doubts' and my faith being based on 'rock solid truth' . I can't help but think it's significant that since my last blog I have found good reason to doubt many of my beliefs. I don't mean losing faith in my God but more realizing that so much of what I believe only comes from traditions of the Church. So much of what I always thought I knew by heart isn't actually in the bible. It has been strange to realize that growing up a 'church kid' can be a bit numbing to what is in the written word. So much of the bible is not just Sunday school stories. I actually have never been so excited about reading my bible and allowing God's Spirit to speak to me rather than taking someone elses predigested version of the truth. Things are not as clear as some would like us to think...and that is OK. God wants to be the one with all the answers. He does not want us walking around thinking we know all there is to

(post moved dated-9/20) What an amazing gift we are given: to pass on a legacy , to have a hand in raising up the next generation, to leave an impression. These young people in our care are on loan to us so that we can teach them what we know. How is it that people wonder and ask how we do this? "I wouldn't have the patience" they say, as if patience is a gift only given to some rather than a choice of behavior. It is almost incomprehensible that I am allowed this opportunity to be the one to fill my child's mind, to encourage a hunger for learning and a thirst for truth. Watching their little faces light up with excitement about addition facts, reading, voyages of early settlers is a treasure I will fight to keep. I am excited for each week to begin. I was created for this. The more we learn together the more I realize this is what I was put here to do. I want my children to know that every single day I spend with them is an answered prayer. I want them to know that

I have been poking around on a few other blogs. Large Family Mothering being one of them. I am so sad. My husband had a vasectomy 2 1/2 years ago. We had a huge fight the morning before he went. He went anyway. At the time I was exhausted with my second baby but I was not ready to be "done". I cried last week. I feel like I am missing a child (or 2). I asked God to just intervene. My heart hurts. I love and respect my husband but I feel like this is wrong and I am so sad.... I will give this hurt to my Father. You know the reason my heart is open. You know my thoughts before I think them. I know You know the plans You have for me....

This is a subject I keep encountering: why we have certain emotions. Anger I am learning is there to identify a problem, and give enough energy (adrenaline) to fix the problem. Guilt exists to reveal a spirit issue. Fear exists to keep us cautious. The real problem only begins when our emotions rule our actions. My husband and I had a good talk the other day (about anger and it's purpose). It came after a big clash between husband and 14 y/o stepson. It was an eruption of an ongoing issue about how said stepson acts like leaving our house is an escape from prison. My husband had had enough of the ungratefulness so he reacted. There was yelling and tears. The clash came only hours after my journal prayer time where I focused on my stepson and husband's relationship. Of course during the big blow up I sarcastically thanked God for his "help" in this area. But I am now humbled and repentant for my lack of faith. It is so clear now how God used this "encounter"

I think the title of this entry if from a Max Lucado book. It gets me through a lot of circummstances. Faith, human faith that is, is so messy. I am so thankful for this gift of faith that my Father has given me. I just wish I was better at using it. I always second guess myself. It must be one of my great flaws. It goes really well with the layers of guilt I find my self drowning in at times....Was I too harsh because I yelled at the misbehaving kids?...Am I inattentive because I'm cleaning instead of playing Hi HO Cherrio again?...Will I ever have it together enough to make it look like I know what I'm doing?...Then one that is special, just for stepmothers---Is this child on my nerves becuase he's not "mine" or because he's being really annoying?... Why do I second guess everything I do? This week I even allowed a non believing agnostic to sprinkle her doubting dust all over me. Why? I know God way down deep in my bones. I've known Him as long as I can

This is my brand new blog. Moved form another site, really. My sister-in law told me I needed to write a blog (so here it is, Steph!). I have always wanted to write. Before I wanted to be anything I wanted to be a writer, but I have forgotten that for a long time. I'm a mom, a homeschool teacher and a nurse, but not a writer. There is never enough time to take all the words that swim in my head and put them in print. So here I am...starting a blog. What do I talk about...where do I begin? I'll just see where the words take me. Homeschooling is my calling. Since we made the decision to homeschool I am now keenly aware of how my life's experiences have prepared me for this. I have such a love for learning but no patience for 'school'. I love to read. I really love to read. I treasure my kids and could never imagine handing the job of filling their minds to strangers. I have dealt with public school with my step sons enough to know it's not a place I want to send m