I need a word or scripture or something...for when you spent 20 years trying to raise a family and keep a hard marriage together and work and homeschool and you forgot people you should have been responsible for. For when you didn't pursue someone who who needed pursuing. When you're so distracted with what was in front of your face you forgot the big picture. When you beg to God for more children and you forgot that you already have some that should have been in your care. When it's too late and you can't do anything to fix any of your mistakes. And you don't want to cry in front of your husband because it makes him feel so much guilt.... And every time someone says 'you can't blame yourself" you want to respond with "why the hell can't I"......
Another Five Minute Friday, on a Saturday, writing for five minutes for just the beauty of it. Want to join in? Come on over here and meet this great community. Connect Go: I'm wondering what it's like for my kids: living a connected life where the pieces fit together and don't have to separate into mom's house and dad's house and small little compartments with neat little labels lasting 47 minutes each. I'm wondering if they will ever understand how different it could be. How different it was for their big brother. I'm wondering if it really is just now, this minute, that I'm realizing that what I missed for most of my life was having a connected life. I had school me, and home me and after leukemia turned up, I had hospital me. I had my-house me and dad's-house me, the me I shared with my friends and the me I created for the boy friends. Then there was the me I was in my own head: the me who tried to write but usually wound up laughing...
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