I have had it mostly together for the last 12 years or so. I met my husband while I was in high school (he was not as he's 9 years older than I am). I got my act together, by God's grace, graduated high school, went directly to nursing school, graduated, had the same pediatric nursing job for 10 years, homeschool my 2 boys, love my family and put God first in all we do......then I turned 30. My husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I'm not sure what has happened to my mind in the last several months. I am trying to be ok with the fact I will never have another child. I am trying to fill the empty spaces. I am trying to depend on God. I am trying to pray and talk to my husband. I want to scream. I want to run. I want to feel. What is going on? Who am I? I don't recognize myself.
Another Five Minute Friday, on a Saturday, writing for five minutes for just the beauty of it. Want to join in? Come on over here and meet this great community. Connect Go: I'm wondering what it's like for my kids: living a connected life where the pieces fit together and don't have to separate into mom's house and dad's house and small little compartments with neat little labels lasting 47 minutes each. I'm wondering if they will ever understand how different it could be. How different it was for their big brother. I'm wondering if it really is just now, this minute, that I'm realizing that what I missed for most of my life was having a connected life. I had school me, and home me and after leukemia turned up, I had hospital me. I had my-house me and dad's-house me, the me I shared with my friends and the me I created for the boy friends. Then there was the me I was in my own head: the me who tried to write but usually wound up laughing...
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