My Father's Daughter

My Father's daughter... this title...if you've read at all you know what Father I am speaking of. Somehow, tonight I feel like that rebellious teenage girl: angry and sad and wanting her father to figure out what's wrong and fix it as I push him away. I want to be rescued. I want to be told through my tears and all the fear that it's all going to be ok. Life has been unexpectedly hard. And also really amazing... when I have the strength and state of mins to step back (way back) and look at what my Father has done.. This last year though. It beat me up. It was unspeakably hard... I guess I still need to process. To move forward I think I need to come back to one of my first loves. Well two of my loves, really: my Father, my Abba, the One I'd call out to in the middle of the night because I always knew He was there. And the other love? Words. I wrote before how writing is the one thing that could ever make sense of the chaos in my mind. I left it for so long and it ...

I need a word or scripture or something...for when you spent 20 years trying to raise a family and keep a hard marriage together and work and homeschool and you forgot people you should have been responsible for. For when you didn't pursue someone who who needed pursuing. When you're so distracted with what was in front of your face you forgot the big picture. When you beg to God for more children and you forgot that you already have some that should have been in your care. When it's too late and you can't do anything to fix any of your mistakes. And you don't want to cry in front of your husband because it makes him feel so much guilt.... And every time someone says 'you can't blame yourself" you want to respond with "why the hell can't I"......

Happy 7th Day! It's the first Sabbath of the New Biblical Year and Passover, Unleavened Bread, and First Fruits are just around the corner. I thought I'd pop in here and mention the Torah Portion and some info on the Appointed Times in general or on Passover specifically, but I'm feeling led to focus on something off topic... or actually... maybe it's not off topic at all. I've been drawn towards studying the Fruits of the Spirit lately. It's certainly not the first time. For most Bible believers this is a well known passage in Galatians. Years ago I wrote a study on it for my kids. I'll have to dig that out again. But this time, perhaps in readying my heart for Passover, I'm seeing it new and differently. If you look at the end of Galatians 5, you see those familiar verses-- 22 But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self control; against such there is no law. How many times ...

{Reviving my old love of writing just for the fun of it... joining up again with Five minute Friday } We write for five minutes with no edits or do overs. We just write with a prompt for the love of the words. This week's word.. Define. Go... I JUST had a conversation with someone I love about what defines us. How careful we should be before we finish that thought. What defines you? Have you ever thought of that? If you had to write out a Miriam Webster's Definition, what would it be? If you have any social media profile at all, you may have had to think of this a bit to get some of who you are to fit in a little caption under your picture. But is that ever even really accurate? What defines me? I glance up at the title of my blog and I'm smiling. So many times I've gone to change that... but... I can't. There is NO other title that I want to define who I am. Even though I can often forget, I AM my Father's Daughter. I am that before I am anything e...

I opened my little prayer journal today. I opened to the last thing I wrote and it said: Tuesday, 2-19-17. That's it. I paused and thought and realized aside from meal and bedtime prayers with kids, had I even really prayed in almost 3 weeks? Not only I had I neglected my journal (which I had vowed to get out EVERYDAY since my mind needs me to hold a pen in order to focus for more than 10 seconds), I had also neglected my prayer time. It's as if I forgot YET AGAIN how hard a day is to navigate alone. I went on, on cruise control, until I lost every bit of momentum I had and life punched me in the stomach and I started falling backwards--- AGAIN. When will I learn that I need to eat DAILY? When will I learn that real time spent with the Creator of the Universe is the Water I need and His Words are the BREAD. Without either of those we DIE. This whole realization came after an ugly performance and tears and self pity, maybe for good reason, but probably not. Life is har...

Happy Sabbath, Friends. I've missed this space. It has the words that make up who I am. I've missed you all too. So I'm coming back. It feels like coming home. See you soon. 

It's too quiet here. Words swirl. I need to untangle, to write so I know what I think....

It's been so quiet over here. I know. I have missed this space, missed telling this story . So here I am. Words are coming. I'm feeling the itch to write and straighten out some thoughts. The fall and winter and spring seemed to fly by. Here we are in the midst of summer. I have boys and cucumber plants growing tall. We've had holidays and holy-days, birthdays and pool days. There have been news stories circulating and laws passed that make me wonder where I live and if we should take cover from the impending lightning . There has been weather and moons and stars that have caught the attention of even novice sky gazers. And through it all I'm seeing threads and themes and they seem to be growing stronger and louder. Do you feel it too? Something is going on. There is something in the air...or...in the spirit. Something is coming. Where we are on the calendar, it wouldn't surprise me if that something that is coming is big. If the something that is coming is ...

I was asked to share my testimony. For a long time I wasn't sure I had one. But really--- our testimony is just about His work in our story. So here's mine so far.... I don’t really have a turn on a dime story where everything changed. There is no time, really, in my life that I don't remember knowing God. I feel like I always knew God and knew Him well. And for that I am so very thankful. I owe my mother for that. She had that experience some of you have spoken of: being young and, for her, in catholic school just *knowing* there was more. She journeyed as an adult through all kinds of denominations, blessing me with her lessons learned.She struggled as a mom but she always pointed me to God. My first memory of God or anything related to Him was when I was very little. I was in the back seat of our station wagon and my mom prayed with me. Asked the Holy Spirit to be with me, to teach me. I had basic churched-kid church life. I attended different protestant churches, went t...

Ahhh. What a fall it has been! The fall Feast Days have finished. Rosh Hashana (Day of Trumpets in the bible), Yom Kippur, and Feast of Booths (Sukkot). It was a busy time full of study and celebration. It was beautiful. And I'm in awe at how my God is at work { read My Story here } . This walk has taught us so very much A little background - These are 3 of the "holidays" God commands His people to keep. They occur in the fall, starting on the first day of the seventh biblical month. It makes this seventh month a Sabbath month, full of times and appointed days to meet with God. My family and I have been doing our best over the last few years to learn about and honor these days. And truly I have never understood my God more. I'm not sure why it is but teachings on these days are non-existent in the Christian Church. But each of these set apart times points to Gods plan of redemption. The Spring is all about Yeshua's (Jesus' Hebrew name) first coming ...

Have ever noticed how easily the whole scene changes when your perspective is just a little shifted? Eyes can play tricks on us. So can our minds and hearts. It can be so subtle and many times we don't even know. Our bias, our eyes, tells what we're supposed to see, what we should see. But what if that bias is wrong? What if the eyes are lying? A few years ago I attempted to change perspectives, to look at things differently, to look at my faith differently. It was a nudge here and a new insight there. And then I felt whole philosophies of mine shift and then crumble. I suppose they weren't really my philosophies. It was someone else's eyes who had colored my view.  But suddenly I was aware I needed new lenses, a different glass, a new way to see. The old way was strange to me now, it just didn't make sense. The mirror was distorted, I saw all the flaws, the gaping holes. I had been given a better lense to see that was really there. And what ...

Five minute Friday...where some sweet writers write with a prompt for the love of it. Then we link up over at Kate's site and visit other FMFers, to say hello, to make a new friend. Today it's   I never used to think I had a story. I wasn't one of those Christians who was the end of it all and had God's grace come and scoop me up and change my whole life. I just grew up going to church and having my mom tell me God loved me. I'm not complaining. I am so very thankful for my mother making sure I knew who God is. But, it was status quo. I was a Christian. I taught my kids to love God. I struggled. I wondered when I'd get my spiritual life right. I hardly ever really found time to read the bible. I was overwhelmed, over worked, under appreciated. I didn't even know how my life could change. God's grace did reach down and scoop me up but it wasn't as obvious as some of those great testimony stories you...

I turned 35 last week. And that's the first time I've seen that in print.  Age is strange. It's a label and an expectation. 35 years. Three and a half decades...I've learned some things. I've had some successes, some failures. I've grown. Birthdays have a way of making us think, looking back and planning ahead.  Just this week I've learned a few amazing things, things I had forgotten or maybe I didn't really know. Last weekend was a teary one for me. I spent time praying and crying for all the hurt that I've seen cross the screen over the last few weeks. Rockets and bombs still falling, the utter devastation and practical genocide of Iraqi Christians, the Revelations-type violence being perpetrated against people for their belief in Jesus . It's horrifying.  I also cried for a friend, a sweet lovely woman who is an amazing example of steadfastness, a woman I met through a friend of a friend on Facebook. A women who, through social media, I...

Another week, another five minute friday (on a Saturday)...writing for the love of it. Writing without edits or worries. We write. We link up. We encourage. This week it's Tell them now while you can. Tell him how he's filled your heart, how he is made for courage and strength. Tell her how she can be mighty and beautiful and do great things in her Father's kingdom. Tell them who they are. Tell them Whose they are. Tell of all the wonders their Creator has done on their behalf. Tell them of all the ways you love them. Tell them of all the ways they are loved by Him. Tell them why... why you delight in them why you look forward to each and every day with them why even when days are so very hard you'd do it all again and again and again. Don't wait for another time or another day. Not was of us is promised more time. Tell them when you have their ear. Tell them before the world's voice grows too loud. Tell them in the still hours ...

So I began sharing this story a couple weeks ago. It's the one that is asking to be told. It's been my jouney. It's changed my whole world. It's the story of me, of all of us, the story of now and of the future. It's the story of who we are and Whose we are. It's His Story. Today I want to share the part of the story that tell where I am and how I got here. How my faith and my family's faith has grown and changed. How I humbly see that so many of us {myself very much included} have been so very wrong for so very long. How the steps to unlearn and relearn have helped our roots grow deeper (and stronger). I'll continue this story. His Story. This part is my tiny sliver of that story. My beginning, my now. I think it was 2008. I was googling "written teen testimony". My stepson needed to write his before his baptism and confirmation. And like in many things in life, I went to see if a google search could give me ideas I could share...

Five Minute Friday, early on a Saturday morning, but with a new host, Kate . Same deal: Word lovers write with a prompt for the love and the fun. No edits, grammar police or second guessing. Free writing for five minutes...And the heart of the community is that you visit the other lovely writers, to encourage, to make a new friend. This week is.... Go Fill instead of empty. Give instead of take. Pour and love and lavish. You'll feel empty. But when you frequent the well of the Water that always quenches you are never ever empty. Fill the hearts around with peace. Choose to avoid the chaos that expectations bring. Fill the minds with truth. Remember that the only truth is what is good. Something can be accurate but still not true. Fill the house with love because they won't really remember exactly what you taught them but they will remember how it felt to be there. Fill bodies with strength. Actual food and the infinitely more important Bread of L...

I had a different post planned, but last night at sundown began Tisha B'Av or the 9th of Av. And I just can't get the significance of this day out of my mind. Av is the 5th month of the biblical calendar. It's a holiday. But not a particularly happy one. This day and those right around it are even referenced in the bible. ...Should I weep in the fifth month [Av], separating myself, as I have done these so many years?  -Zechariah 7:3 In the fifth month, on the seventh day of the month ...came Nebuzaradan ... and he burnt the house of the L-RD...  -II Kings 25:8-9 In the fifth month, on the tenth day of the month... came Nebuzaradan ... and he burnt the house of the L-RD...  - Jeremiah 52:12-13 This day is a day of sad remembering. Traditionally it is a day of mourning for the loss of both Israel's first and second Temple. Both. Because they both were destroyed on the same day of the year. About 700 years apart. It's also kind of mind blowing when one l...